This painting from the Pre-Gravonian period appears to depict a member of nohomo gravius dangerus, the dominant hominid species of the era. Little is known about either the painting itself or the artist who created it. It was discovered among various knick-knacks & patty-whacks, including a mirror, which has led many scholars to conclude that this is some sort of crude self-portrait. You’ll notice that the portrait accentuates the head and upper portions of the body, gradually tapering away towards what are presumably the feet. Nohomo gravius is believed to have been a largely sedentary creature, resulting in a grotesque physiology consisting of thin, wispy legs & a large, hairless head that tends to dominate depictions of the period, due to nohomo gravius‘s mistaken, and really quite laughable, assumption that he was capable of far higher cognitive function than the data bears.

However, Saul Gravyman, of the Society for the Preservation Of Bad Acronyms & Mediocre Art, notes that archaeologists also discovered in the artist’s dwelling a razor blade & some small plastic bags containing powdered alkaloids consistent with historical records of a creature who likes to party. In what has come to been known as the Gravyman Hypothesis, the head is secondary to the image, and popular conventions of the time would have focused heavily on the red curvature that Gravyman asserts represents boobies & a butt. The Gravyman School is a radical school of thought that proposes that nohomo gravius was actually a base & primal creature, ruled by crude sexual urges, and that any apparent intelligent activity displayed by nohomo gravius was actually just an instinctual mating ritual.

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